Each was built for various reasons that would make life easier to some degree, and also to beautify the landscape in some cases. But never have I built something simply to preserve a memory - until now, that is.
A never-ending love and fond memories gone by has compelled me to build something for what once was - for it's quite plain to see that no other time during my last days on earth will there ever be anything similar to the love that we shared.
Doing this provides the closure that I need to carry on with my life as the lone soul that is destined to remain as one. So, I have built a cairn in honor of what used to exist between my former spouse and myself - so that the best time of my life can be encapsulated until remaining days have passed.
A cairn is an arrangement of stones carefully placed in a certain order, so that an important event can be remembered for years to come. It can be for the death of a loved one, or even a cherished memory - and this one symbolizes both for me.
I honestly feel as though a part of me has died, but at the same time am reminded of great times that always bring a smile to my face. Stones simply wouldn't do justice for what we experienced, and my work is most commonly performed with various types of wood.
So, through a river of tears and sweat I have constructed the very last thing to ever be created with the skills given to me as a blessing from God - so that all that gaze upon it's splendor will understand that for a short while a couple shared a love so great that no author could properly put it into words.
This is my cairn to us, and a stainless steel plate with the following engraved words is firmly fastened to it so that people will know that indeed - something special took place here :
For my love,
Lest we forget the brief moment in life when both dream and day were as one..
It was nice to make friends with other gardeners from around this great world, and I hope that my contributions will be useful for years to come. Perhaps the strength to write about life's experiences will return in a dream, but for now my words have simply faded away. I ask God several times each day to make the pain go away, but am doomed to carry it with me for what seems to be an eternity. The love of my life is no longer by my side, and I miss her more than you could possibly imagine. With a very heavy heart I must now say goodbye, and wish each and every one of you the best in life. I will truly miss you all.
Jeff
46 comments:
EG
I'll miss your blog and your tutorials. They have added quite a bit to my little garden here in Nebraska. Thank you for being you and adding some brightness to my day. Take care.
A beautiful tribute. Goodbye and God bless. I will miss you xx
I've been where you have been, and I promise you it does get better. Please don't give up. I understand if you don't feel up to blogging, but don't give up on life or your garden.
EG - we will miss your words, your insights, your humor and your company. I hope that you will find comfort and joy again and remember that your friends are here, thinking and praying for you. Take care of yourself because you deserve it. And give that lil devil Jude and pat from me. Kris
It's beautiful !,my heart goes out to you EG,I had to suffer my own heartbreak, I felt like the light had been turned off in my life and only darkness surrounded me and I know I hated it when people would say "it will get better " but it will in time ,the hurt will never totally go away but the light will again shine and happiness will fill your heart once again, trust me ,it will. I will miss you and jude and your wonderful blog . take care and get better --we will be here if you need us.
I will miss your blog posts, EG! I hope you don't mind me commenting with this scripture passage...it has been a great comfort to me in the last few months. "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16
I'm sorry that you won't be blogging, you were an inspiration. Time heals all wounds and maybe that's what you need now..keep yourself busy. God is still in control of all of us...
Praying that the Lord is by your side each and every moment of the day. He says "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." He may not remove your pain today, but He is right there with you to help you through each moment. Just hold on and don't let go. Please know that so many people care about you and are praying for you. It will get better, it just takes time. Don't give up!!!!!!
EG,
As a latecomer to your blog, I regret not finding it earlier. In a short time it has given me lots of great ideas and lots of inspiration.
I hope in this difficult time you can take some comfort in all the people who, like me, are pulling for you, who wish you well, and appreciate all the good things you've done. Anyone who reads your blog can appreciate that you are a good and talented person.
Please take care of yourself and keep connected to your friends and family who can help you through this difficult time.
Hope to see you blogging once again.
Thanks for everything
What you created there is absolutely stunning! Thank you for sharing it.
I, too, will miss your blog very much, but understand your need for mourning time and wish you well. If ever you decide to return to your blog, I will be waiting.
I hope you will allow Greg, and your son and sisters to comfort you through the winter ahead. There is no bond greater than that of your family.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.
EG, you have created a wonderfully beautiful tribute. I thank you for all your posts. They have been inspirational, informative and entertaining. We will miss you and your stories and, of course, Jude.
Please don't give up. I know it is so very difficult to lose someone and still try to go on. You don't want to. You don't ever want to get out of bed again and you just want the world to just go away. But, there are other people in your life who still need you there.
I hope some day soon you begin healing. I wish you peace. And, maybe someday, after you have made it through this dark time, you'll come back! Even if it is to just let us know you are ok. We'll still be here! Take care of you! (and Jude!) :)
Beautiful tribute, EG. I sent you an email.
Alex
EG, I have been a silent reader of your blog for a while now. I have not commented before but I feel compelled to now. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. Through your loss, you have gained a lot, in many intangible ways. You do what you have to do now. I wish you nothing but peace, strength and wellness always.
Jeff (EG), I am so sorry for your loss and I wish there were words that I can give you that could comfort you during this time, but I have none. You are a good man and you will get through this over time and with God by your side. I am praying for you, take care buddy.
What an amazing and wonderful tribute!
Thank you.
EG, The planter is beautiful, a great tribute to the life you had built together with your wife. I hope that having constructed it, the slow way, has been helpful. Best wishes for your future.
Thank you for sharing. For the short time I've been a follower, I've enjoyed your words and work. I will miss both.
Wonder less about what might have been, worry less about what could have been. Take it a day at a time. Live in the present.
Take care.
Excellent job EG! The wheels look perfect, they must have been a challenge. I'll be thinking about you. Hope you get back in the swing of things and start blogging again.
What a beautiful planter and tribute EG! I'm going to miss reading your blog.
It may not seem like it now. But, time and faith will heal you. It really will. The sun will shine once again...I promise.
Take care and hopefully we will hear from you again.
In the words of Rose Kennedy - "God never gives a cross to bear larger than we can carry." Take your time with this phase of your life but do stay busy and be proud of your accomplishments.
I will miss reading your blog with my morning coffee! You are a joy and hope you return at some point.
I sure do hope your farewell is only temporary. We will all miss you so much. I know that you need time to mourn - but know that we care and are here, waiting for you, to support you.
I'm so sorry that you are sad and feeling like you have no more words.
I've started over before and it's not easy. And I thought I would never find anyone or try again, I was wrong.
I now have the one that I should have been with all along. Hoping that you will find that someone too.
I'll miss you.
You gave me hope for my garden through two hip replacements. I lived in my garden vicariously through yours. You can't say good by after all that. Your planter is beautiful and a great tribute. But, you encourage us all to do better, so lets us encourage you to remain with us.
I've been absent from blogger for some time now, trying to get my life in order, so much of this post is a surprise to me. I am so sorry to hear of the pain that you are going through. I will be praying for you! You did a beautiful job on the planter!
Thank you so much for your blog. I have learned countless things from what you've written, and I am incredibly grateful! I hope you aren't away forever. I wish you the best.
May ease and comfort be yours during this time, and always.
Wow, I must start with how wonderful your project turned out. Best one yet. As for your blog, you will be sorely missed. Never forget to reach out if you need anything. And keep gardening. It keeps you sane in a world and period of utter insanity. Take care man!
I've always admired the passion you put into your garden and your blogging and considered you one of my "cyber gardening friends." Sorry for your pain, my friend. I'll miss you too. I haven't been keeping up with blogging or reading blogs the way I used to and am just reading this. You've got to get through it to get over it, and one day that hole won't feel so big. Good luck with everything.
Your words sound a lot like a suicide note. Still with us, somewhere?
hey EG how about a short note just to let everyone know how you are doing ? miss you :(
I'm still here.... :(
Phew! ! ! Good to know! Your last post was worrisome! I keep checking back and am always glad when I see new comments post . . . signs you are still there to approve/post them! We are all worried about you! Hang in there! It takes a LOT of time, but things will eventually get better.
I have been away from blogging for a few months I'm very sad to see you have stopped blogging. I'll be thinking of you and I know you will come out of this stronger. I hope to see you blogging again soon.
EG ,I am glad you are still here. As a newbee I sure hope you don't take your blog down. You have too much knowledge for a newbee to loose.
EG, just thought I'd chime in. I was working in my garden yesterday, trying to stay ahead of the knee high weeds, and was thinking about you.
~~Lori
I agree with some of the other posters here-your most recent comments have grown awfully dark.
Not meaning to sound selfish here-but it troubles me a great deal. I'd feel a whole lot better if I knew that you were talking to someone w/ experience in this area. (Yeah, a professional.)
So, maybe as a favor to me, you could go see someone? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
Checked back after many months and was gravely shocked. Your planter is gorgeous and really shows a softer side to you...a very natural thing for us mortals to cringe from hurt. The scripture says Cast your cares on Him, for HE cares for you. You are in my prayers for more grace and strength to get through this pain. God bless you and please do reply when you can to let us know you're ok.
Ah. When my daughter died, the loss cut my heart like a knife. I was comforted only by certain friends who came and stood next to me, silent and strong. What words could be said to comfort that kind of pain? None that I could think of. Time has gone by and the pain in my heart is no longer acute. Now I find myself remembering my daughter in surprising and often funny ways. Many times I smile or laugh out loud when that happens. Sometimes I have tears in my eyes at the same time I'm smiling. It's complicated. I have one piece of humble advice to offer: Be yourself. Be natural, like the earth. Remember that grief is biological. Ride it like a wave. Experience it because it is who you are in this moment. The importance of being yourself in a time of grief will become clear in hindsight.
Jeff, I have enjoyed your blog so much. I learned a lot about gardening and tried new things I wouldn't have otherwise. Even if you decide not to blog again, your efforts have been appreciated by all of us, your readers and fans. You are our brother.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your son, my condolences. There’s never a good time for something like that to happen and this surely isn't one of them.
Stay busy with the things that bring you happiness and get by the best you can. Life is long and full of turns.... things will get better again.
Prayers sent to you and your family.
Jim
I've been following your blog for about a year now but this is the first time I've commented.
I just wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for the loss of your son. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now or how you are finding your way through this awful time but I want you to know that you have people praying for you. I am so very sorry. You and your family will be in our prayers.
My deepest condolences to you over the the loss of your son. Please know that you are in my every thought & prayers during this difficult time. I understand and share the heart wrenching pain you are going through. It's a pain I do not want to share with anyone.
Please be kind to yourself and seek the support of all that are willing to give it.
God Bless you and your family. I am always here if you need me.
Jeff, I am so sorry for your loss. Being a mother of a son who passed at a young age, I understand the pain you are suffering now. Stay strong, and remember there are so very many of us who call you "friend". We care....very much.
Jeff, I was just checking in to see how you were doing and was so shocked to see the devastating news.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and my prayers.
EG,
Your planter is amazing, what a special creation.
What devastating losses you have had, my prayers go out to you. Your son's passing is a thing no parent wants to witness, please take care of yourself. You have given so much to us over the years, I will never forget you or Jude. I hope with time you will find peace in your heart. (((hugs)))
EG,
I just checked back in on the blog. I can't believe what you are going through. Please know that you are in my thoughts. I'll be coming back to the blog this spring for tips and tricks for my garden. I will think of you with all my plans and plants. Love, Liz
Jeff,
I just stopped in to see how you were doing and was devastated to see you have suffered another horrific loss. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I am so very sorry. There simply are no words. Just know that there are so very many of us who are thinking of you during this time and hoping that somehow you find a way through all the pain. Take care of yourself. I'll be stopping back by from time to time to check on you!
Absolutely devastating, Jeff. I'd like to join in and express my deepest sympathies to you and your family. Please take care.
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