Frequently, people ask me how I come up with all kinds of ideas, and build things the way I do. Well, i'd like to explain a few things to those readers that might not know me very well. I'm not like most people, and have trouble communicating with others that speak of topics that don't interest me. However, that which does interest me - completely occupies my thoughts and efforts until it is fully understood. So, I am driven to achieve excellence in anything I attempt or aspire to do or become. Building things is a way for me to make good use of the many things that were studied/learned throughout my life, and most things come pretty easy. In my spare time I like to invent/build things that can be used around the property - which is of course a neverending process. There are 3 reasons that allow me to be this way, and please - don't perceive this explanation as an intent to highlight myself , because that's not the case. Sometimes we wonder what makes an individual the way they are, and this is my effort to let you understand how an Alabama redneck is capable of certain things and what goes on in his mind each and every day.
1. There's an adequate amount of spare time away from my 50 hour work week to tinker with things, and the kids are all grown up. Having children at an early age does have some advantages. Plus, if I have accomplished something new around the property each week, it makes me feel good about myself. I just can't sit still for any length of time, and always want to construct something that will somehow enrich my life, as well as those around me. I literally work on something everyday - whether it be an autocad drawing, contruction project, or outdoor activities. Besides, television programs don't interest me one bit - unless it's something relating to weather, news, or educational.
2. I have OCPD , which is the fuel that motivates me to do things better, faster, and more efficient. Oh boy...this one is difficult to deal with at times - but, i'm better at counteracting it since I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago by a specialized physician. It's truly a case of Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde, and i've learned to deal with the negative aspects of it, thank goodness. However, it's a constant struggle that is awoken to each day, and there are even personally written sticky notes strategically placed in my bedroom so that their words are the first things faced with each morning....
Although rarely observed by others, the experience of inner turmoil within this syndrome is immense. High standards are applied two-fold within the OCPD sufferer's expectations directed toward themselves. Failure for me is never an option, and just isn't acceptable in my mind. Each day is filled with small rituals that seem to go unnoticed by others, but are absolutely mandatory for me to perform. Of course, there's a different one for each individual situation - like...I can't leave anything on my plate at dinnertime, and the plate even has to be turned a certain way while eating. Another would be that when eating from a salad bar, exactly 8 packs of crackers have to be used - and also opened before starting the salad. Although none come to mind right now, there are literally thousands of more rituals I deal with. It's just not fair, and I hate every one of them.....
3. The average man generally has one trade they excel in - at least from my observations. However, I have mastered at least 5 different categories of skilled trade, and always apply myself to learn every little detail about each. This has been possible through higher education, on the job training, and LOTS of reading. Of course, the driving force behind this is the OCPD, and no amount of knowledge is never enough....
There's over 400 books in my personal library, whether it be on paper or an electronic copy - all of which are concerning either gardening, electronics, home repair, air conditioning/refrigeration, industrial electricity, plumbing, hydraulics, carpentry, welding, or PLC programming. Some books have been read from cover to cover at least 100 times, and I keep them on hand for reference only. Being littered with page markers and even words highlighted throughout allow me to quickly get to the useful portions without having to go through endless pages of words that aren't relevant to my needs. Every book is done this way during the initial reading - which is due to the efficiency problem that the OCPD demands, I guess....
My brain activity really never slows down, and is constantly trying to solve problems, or come up with a way to make or do something. It's really not fair, as I've never known what it was like to just be "normal". This is why I struggle to get the right words out when making a video - my brain is constantly trying to exchange words as they come out for an improvement in reception. All I know, is that it makes me sound like a bumbling idiot sometimes...
I am a "numbers person", meaning that numbers totally fascinate me, and I have all kinds of numbers embedded in my brain from even when I was a child. Instead of presenting a credit card, driver's license, hotel points card (3 different ones), or frequent flyer points cards, I have simply memorized them all. Yeah....some of which are 16 digits long.....It's weird, I know! Just like the Nintendo Gameplayers Hotline phone number that I used a few times over 20 years ago (which was 206-885-7529). Even though I haven't used it in over 20 years, the info is retained in memory. Anyway, I work with various numbering systems that are used by PLCs - like decimal, binary coded decimal, octal, and hexadecimal. Although some sound kinda strange, in reality they just have different formats, and represent the same numbers using different characters and symbols. (Kinda like shorthand for math, I guess)
You'll notice that my garden doesn't have plant markers for things - because the entire thing is memorized each year.... Maps aren't used when driving in a never before visited city either, because I memorize the way to go before leaving my house. I know... this one almost drove the wife insane when vacationing in the Bay Area of California a few years ago. Ha! Planning is essential with everything, and nothing is ventured into without a thorough understanding of it first.
Anyway, if anyone has ever wondered what makes me the way I am, now you know. I'm really weird!!!!
In closing, i'd like to say that if you know anyone that has been cursed with this mental affliction, they really could use a hug. Although their usefulness is unlimited - the invisible personal hell that they battle each day is both relentless and unbeatable.
Take care,
EG
26 comments:
Knowledge is a great for all things. Knowing ourselves helps us be better people usually because those who love us can know us better too. It sounds like you have a lot of people who love you and you have purpose in your life. It is nice to know you via the garden blogging world. All the best!
(((HUG)))
Cyber hugs are just like the real thing, right?
I am enjoying your blog more and more each day. Keep up the good work!
Whew, you ought to be tired after this post.
I think in a way a lot of people do have a bit or type of OCPD. A mild affiction of it anyway.
I totally understand the OCPD, perfectionism, can't sit still, numbers, and the mind going at a million miles a minute. A lot of these things are related to having a high IQ and can be very difficult to deal with at times. They can also be very very beneficial.
At the age of 40 I felt that some of these "things" about myself were not healthy for "me" and made a conscious decision to get a handle on some of them. Believe me, it took me many many years to get the things I wanted to change about myself under control.
You are not weird in any way what so ever....you were given these special attributes for a reason and they make you the wonderful person that you are!!
So, that settles it. Dude, You are my father. Now I know why you interest me so much. I can't tell you how much I read just now and went, Ohhhh.... *lightbulb* LOL. Can I ask you a question? Do you diagram and rediagram your plots and replot your garden while you are waiting for your next planting season? THere is always a variable (even after plants are in the ground) and that drives me completely batty. There must be a plan made for each variable, don't ya know?
Curiosity on the sticky notes.
Well, here's one from me. {{{{HUG]]]]
None of us are perfect. We all try to work around it, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. My mother was bipolar. My daughter is. I'm the peanut butter in the sandwich and don't know which is worse....
Sounds like you do wonderfully well coping with yourself. Keep up the good job. When you get to know people, you find out most of them have issues of some kind or another, but to the casual observer, they look like they don't have, at all. I think mostly we're all "walking wounded" in one way or another. Hugs, Grandma Jones
Do virtual hugs help?
(((EG)))
I have a family of weird people. When my husband was a teenager he couldn't go out to the movies unless it was planned a week in advance. I hated when he used to clean the bathrooms because he wouldn't stop. I kept telling him he didn't need to be perfect. He used to be really bad on vacations, but he has learned to let me deal with it all. Then he can relax. But at least he can relax. He's so much better than he was when I married him. I'm totally his opposite though. I'm more of a wing it kinda gal. I like a little chaos in my life at times.
LOL this is awesome EG! I see a bit of this in my husband as well - keep on with whatever it is, it's a good thing!
It is amazing how much you need to do in order to cope with in everyday life. As far as being weird...I think everyone has a little bit of weird in them.
{{Big Hugs}} EG. We love you just the way you are.
Thank you for the kinds words, everyone. All hugs are greatly appreciated!
The Japanese Redneck - I agree that lots of people may have a touch of OCD, but not OCPD. The latter of the 2 is perhaps twice as difficult to deal with, and not only torments the person with it - but also those around them...Yeah, it really sux.
Robin - I've had my IQ tested only partially, which was several years ago while attending Technical College. The final value couldn't be identified, but is somewhere between 130-135. Yes, the OCPD does bring with it several attributes that are exceptionally useful, but the negatives can be very destructive at the same time. I can't begin to explain how difficult it is to control.
Barbie - To be thought of as an interesting person puts a smile on my face, because i'd like to think that any information in my possession would be worth something to others. Any garden planning is an on-going thing, because I even stand out there thinking about it at night with a flashlight, and how it can be improved. Yes, there is a plan for each variable that might be faced with, and my motto about failure is : if you put yourself in a position that something bad could happen, sooner or later it will. The sticky notes are like "Beat your OCPD today!" and stuff like that....
Thank you, grafixmuse.
EG - I've followed your blog for some time and have been absolutely fascinated by your gardening ideas and skills. Being from Alabama myself, I know lots of talented "rednecks" but, your skills seem to be off the charts. It's a shame that it comes at the additional cost of OCPD. It was kind of you to share this very personal issue with your readership. You've certainly opened my eyes to a disorder that I knew nothing about. I wish you the best with these struggles and thank you again for sharing a bit of your life with all of us.
Gina - thanks for the kind words. As you might guess, I do some pretty crazy "rigging" at work if necessity calls for it. Ha! Thanks again for the comment...
Great Post AND great blog, I look forward to your updates. Now, after that, relax, you need to go do some gardening or something. ha
I'm pretty similar in how I think... If something sparks my interest, I will not stop searching for and consuming information about it until I feel I'm an expert (or somewhere close...). Most people think I'm insane, but the few who matter just find it fascinating and treat me like a walking encyclopedia.
Another note, this post was totally a lightbulb moment for me. I was diagnosed with a cocktail of disorders when I was younger (OCD included) and a few of them never fit. In particular, the OCD diagnosis never really seemed right to me. After reading this and doing some research in psychological journals (yay college library access and a psychology major!), I think I have my answer. It just fits how my mind works and all of the comments anyone has ever made about my personality. So I thank you wholeheartedly for this post because it has given me insight into myself that I've never had.
I think we are all "Beautifully Broken" in some way ;-)
(((((Hugs)))))
You're avatar is "still" creeping me out ;-)
EG, I of course knew this about you my friend, but it pains me to read it again just the same. I wish I or others could do something to ease your challenges, I do love the positives it gives you.
If there is anything I can ever do for you man, I'm here, 3,000 miles away, but I'm here for you.
Thank you!
Thanks for sharing insights about your life. I'm so impressed by your memorization skills. The fact that you have your entire garden memorized is fascinating. I am terrible at remembering things.
I really enjoy reading about your projects.
Thanks, everyone!
Liisa, I may have to change the avatar.....
Hi EG, thanks for sharing that part of yourself with us.
And hey, isn't everyone a little weird? :)
I'm slightly envious you can memorize your whole garden plan. I still don't know what's growing in my little 36 pack sprout container LOL.
EG, I feel honored that you would write this post on such a personal side of you. I've worked with students with OCD, but had never heard of OCPD. So much goes along with OCD that one who doesn't have it never thinks of. I'm remember tapping toes every 5 steps, raised hand with fingers just so. Give yourself a big pat on the back for all you have accomplished, and GREAT IDEA on the sticky notes!!!! You ROCK, EG! Keep up the good work.
Oh, have you tried the flashlights on your head??? They're pretty cool.
~~Lori
You're an example, EG, of taking lemons and making lemonade. You took all that OCPD energy and used it to master five different trades. You seem to be dealing with things very well.
p.s. I've never heard you sound like a bumbling idiot on the videos.
Wow I've find my kind of people!! I'm definitely a fellow suffer of OCPD. I've upgraded from using graph paper to perfectly figure out my gardening plans, to now using an online garden tool at http://www.growveg.com. But I have spent many a night outside in the dark, flash light in one hand, tape measure in the other, dog at my feet thinking it's play time, while checking out how a 'new' plan might fit. Than coming inside and being up all night (notice the time of this post? lol) with books around me, tons of gardening site tabs open on my browser while investigating my next plan because the one I came up with CAN be better! It's so great to know I'm not alone!! :)
Blessings!
Just reading through a bit of your blog in a few spare minutes today. I enjoyed this post. I suppose that may sound weird, but I have always felt different than others and am fascinated by what makes them tick. I get a glimpse of what "normal" looks like through the eyes of one of my children. Having two kids above average is what so many parents dream of. I don't know why. The average one seems to enjoy life so much more. He's not always looking for the next "thing", "event", or "bit of knowledge". He can just enjoy what he's doing and where he is. I've never had that. There is always more to know, more to do, the next thing to plan, etc. It can be exhausting. I can't imagine what you have to go through and have no idea what the "P" stands for in OCPD- though I will look it up as soon as I leave this comment. But if everyone was "normal", our world would miss out on how spectacular people like you make it. The things you design, build, dream up, and do would go undone and our world would be boring. Thanks again for this post.
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